Straight Dope: Pass the peace pipe, Kemosabe

I hope I don’t offend anyone using the name “Kemosabe” in the title.

For those not in the know, the nickname was given to the Lone Ranger’s partner Tonto in the famous TV show that ran from 1949-1957. Kemosabe translates to “trusty scout.” Not: “The name is offensive to American Indians and you’re a racist mo-fo.”

Let’s talk politics, and political correctness, shall we?

I was watching the classic comedy “Airplane!” a couple weeks ago, loving it all over again. But viewed from the perspective of touchy, 21st-century peeps, I realized the film could never get made today.

“Jive talk” anyone? That was just one example of the many conceits that would have modern-day audiences picketing the studio.

On the one hand, it’s good to be sensitive and care about others. But taken to extremes, this is a dangerous thing, because there is nothing said, anywhere, that won’t offend someone, somewhere. Juxtapose that with POTUS, who offends people on a minute-by-minute basis, and you have two sides diametrically opposed, the divide tearing us apart as a nation.

I don’t care what side you vote on. I just care about the vitriolic, nasty, tit-for-tat incivility that is destroying what — it seems — we stood for in the past: Human decency, and a willingness to meet somewhere in the middle, regardless of our differences, parties or taste in cannabis.

Both sides have their share of blame, from the liberals dropping the ball on the Heartland, to the conservatives stirring up fear and anger in their tribe. (Can’t we all get along?)

I am soooooo tired of the daily political war: Dems vs. Repubs, CNN vs. Fox News, Roseanne vs. Ambien. I just want to escape it all and go crawl in a hammock on the beach in Costa Rica. And, oh, by the way, Costa Rica hasn’t even had an army since 1948. But short of escaping to Costa Rica, what is a man supposed to do? How about escape into the land of marijuana?

Confession: I haven’t gotten high in a long time. Done a little CBD oil, but no direct tokeage. However, lately, I am so addicted to the rapidly moving political drama that I am helpless in the face of it, and I can’t let go. My thinking is, weed will help loosen the grip.

And, yeah, it’s kind of sad that’s what it has come down to: a futile hopelessness in the goodness of mankind. I’m scared like I’ve never been scared before. And not just because the weed I’m about to smoke is probably strong enough to knock an elephant on its ass. I’m scared because we have lost control, and our planet feels like it’s spinning off its axis, AND I won’t have the money to buy a ticket on Elon Musk’s shuttle to Mars.

So, yes, please pass the peace pipe, Kemosabe, I’m checking out. And that ain’t no jive.

Rick Cipes has written for over 40 publications including L.A. Times, Playboy and ESPN Magazine. He currently owns the 420 T-Shirt Collection which you can view at and follow on Instagram at 420tshirtcollection.

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